The past few months I have been extra shakey. Not on solid ground with life but I am realizing maybe this is just me. Sometimes I am running uphill and sometimes I am in the flow. I traditionally slow down in the fall as the cooler air is better for me. A friend asked what makes you happy and I of course told her the basics-being with my kids, husband, friends, travel, helping others, trying new things. So I decided to make a list each time I had a positive social interaction I wrote down with who and how it felt. Then I reached back out for another visit soon with someone who made me feel better, NOT WORSE I repeat do not go to the wrong people go to your safe people.
On my list working makes me feel confident and whole. It also makes me feel good to bring some money to our family regardless of whether we truly need it. I like to donate on my own and buy things occasionally without using the family funds. So I started applying for jobs any job that sounded fun. Not the stressful EGO boosting ones but the true I think that may be fun or good for my personality and brain. God closed some doors and opened some I accepted a seasonal job at a retail place I really enjoy shopping at and didn’t realize how much fatigue my mind would feel that first day. After a year and a half of no mental food it felt soooo good just to learn. It felt good to stand on my feet and work a few hours of physical labor. It felt good to greet and make people smile. It felt good to meet co-workers and new friends.
Remember at any point we can redefine ourselves. It doesn’t have to be a 8 to 5 if it makes you happy and you feel good doing it then it is good for your self-worth.
Much of my life I have thought because this person does this I need to. Because they are there I need to be there, NO that is not true that is trying to force yourself in to a box. God knows where I fit and with whom so I will continue asking him to place me where he thinks I am of maximum service. I also switched up meetings and that has been soooo refreshing! The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about acceptance and how until we completely realize everything is exactly as God wants it we will have no peace. p 417 has gotten me through much in life.