I remember for most of my life I was afraid to be me. Afraid of someone not liking me or not fitting in. I used to drink over those feelings of not being good enough or doing something I regretted and feeling different. In today’s Daily Reflections it references the Twelve and Twelve ” During the times I didn’t have love in my life I most assuredly had FEAR. To FEAR God is to be afraid of joy. IN looking back I realize, that during times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to FEAR God, I also learned to experience joy. Sober recovery can be like this we go through intense times where we have a lot of good times and everything is easy. Then the winds of change are thrust upon us and we have to see areas where we still need to change. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings provide twelve steps to look at our behavior and ultimately the things that no longer are bringing us joy need to be changed. I used to FEAR God and I absolutely had little joy growing up. Our house was in a lot of turmoil all of the time with 4 boys and me there were multiple issues within the family and things were not dealt with in healthy ways so I ran and drank to numb those painful feelings. After I got sober I realized God was never judging me or mad at me. He was waiting for me to come back to being one of his kids. I know have a definition of a higher power I call God who is loving and forgiving not judging.