Today’s post is about self-care. The past year I have undergone some serious soul searching. I left a job that was no longer healthy for me or my family, I have had many health issues and I have had to take a deep look at my mind. In my late teens, early 20’s I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I had trauma in my life and also addiction so I was bound to have a high stress response. I was medicated for many years then got sober and decided the meds made me worse so opted for life style instead. For years and years I was pretty happy. A high functioning adult, great job, loving husband, college degree, mom to 2 girls, many good friends. Then motherhood and its triggers came. I have learned a lot this year through much pain comes much growth. We are all able to accept, understand and love from the spiritual level we are at. Thus if we are not working on us we become stagnant. Since I am constantly working on me this too can be bad because I refeel everything.
Watching my girls go through the ages when I experienced stress, lack of parental support and much sensitivity toward everything has been extremely difficult. It seems things are calm then bam everything changes. I open up then close down again. My girls mostly see a tough mom but deep down I have insecurities, worries that they will never know. I have pain people often don’t understand. I need love at a deeper level because in many ways it is what I did not receive as a child and adolescent. Luckily I am raising them strong, independent, self aware yet resilient. To not base their self worth on others because I still haven’t fully mastered that.
The question of meds often comes up when I am having high anxiety drs want to fix the problem but in actuality we are covering it up. It always comes back in days week or years. So I started writing in hopes people understand someone has been there. Someone else loves your intensity, drive, love for others, tender and forgiving heart. Someone else cries all day sometimes and feels lonely. Someone else has a mind that repeats everything more than once. Someone else doesn’t understand why people can’t just talk things out and move on. Someone else has a broken family that is never going to be perfect or be the family they need. This ted talk really helped me understand the re-feeling we go through. I get healthy and strong and then a trigger pushes me backwards.
Mind is the brain in action
Which means: your unconscious can’t tell the difference between the memorized emotion of an event – and the event itself. So when you think about an event and this triggers an emotion – you mentally and physically experience it as if it were happening again.
This is great if you happen to be reliving positive events all the time – but given the human propensity to recall negative events and emotions, it means many people are physically and emotionally “stuck” in the negative happenings of the past.
Dr. Joe Dispenza also talks about how stress happens when your body is out of balance, and how it can be triggered by a physical object or event, or just by the thought of that object or event.
“Warning: when feelings become the means of thinking, or if we cannot think greater than how we feel… we can never change. To change is to think greater than how we feel. To change is to act greater than the familiar feelings of the memorized self.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza