In my time at home the past few months I have learned a lot about my triggers and old wounds from the past. If you have not read Drop the Rock, go get it! It is an amazing book about overcoming our defects of character. Someone recently told me I was being selfish it doesn’t really matter in relation to what all I heard was selfish and a whole bunch of shame, pain, sadness, and guilt commenced. She didn’t know how much power that word had to hurt me nor did I realize how a few texts over something seemingly innocent to me could have someone accuse me of being that way. So after a few back and forth exchanges I realized I had work to do. I had to make amends but only own my part not hers and I had to go back to the Big Book and the steps.
This 15th year of sobriety has not been great I have wanted to drink, I have wanted to punch someone, I have been depressed, I have acted childish, I have played the victim but I have also realized when more work needs to be done. So instead of beating ourselves up move forward knowing that change is possible and when we are in a lot of pain we are not at our best so be gentle. When we are triggered pause, take a step back and maybe just Be Still for awhile.