Motherhood

I am a sober mom. Sometimes it rocks, sometimes when I am cranky or stressed I wish I could be like “those” moms. You know the ones who get to have a glass of wine or an iced cold margarita at a party. Or maybe more than one. But then I remind myself it never really was just 1. From the first beer I had I loved it. The warm feeling. Then the buzzed feeling. But unfortunately things were very unpredictable when I drank. I was the life of the party but then at times it stopped being fun. The excitement wore off and I had to drink. I had lost the freedom of choice.

Motherhood is the most powerful, wonderful gift but being a sober mom is even more wonderful. I see and feel things much deeper than I thought possible. Sometimes I feel them more than I should but that is partially because when I quit drinking someone told me it takes years for your emotions to catch up. If you were 14 binge drinking then if you’ve been sober 10 yrs you are about the age of a 18 yr old. Wow! So when my kids get left out or are dealing with an issue at school I feel it. I pray for them and I try to give it to God but I really feel the intensity and worry as if I was their age going thru it.

Last night my youngest was at gymnastics and she did amazing she has been timid but found her sport. After months of tumbling she has been wanting to master a back walkover and last night was determined she would do it without help. Watching this perserverance and tenacity made me so proud it reminds me of her moms perserverance to face my demons to be transparent and to above all else don’t give up on yourself!