In high school I remember walking the halls at recess thinking I don’t fit here they all seem so popular and sporty. Or they drive expensive cars and I couldn’t even get designer jeans. I had a lot of friends and one may say I was even popular but inside I felt they weren’t my friends. I felt alone and misunderstood. Back then no one really explained to me that feelings are ok to have that its perfectly fine to share your feelings with people you trust so I just hid them and tried to disappear.
In my family I was the only girl and unfortunately there was not a lot of time for feelings amongst 4 male siblings. I always felt that I wasn’t the me I was supposed to be so I made those feelings go away. Instead of rocking who I was I tried to merge into the status quo of who society told me I should be. Now I know that was not what God had in mind for me. He had big things I was just too blinded by the angst of being a teenager to see those things. Then in college when life seemed to spin out all of those stuffed feelings brought me to a state of surrender where I got down on my knees and said there has to be something missing. HELP! There was something missing-a relationship with a higher power. Someone to bounce things off someone who gave me the love I didn’t often get growing up. Someone to say you are enough. Someone to say having a bunch of friends isn’t your purpose. Being transparent and getting healthy is. Sharing your story and walking through the pain is. Put down the alcohol and dependency and get to know YOU- perfectly, wonderfully made you. God spoke loudly and I listened.
Another woman feels like me. See link below to her story
‘I wonder why I wasn’t invited. I wonder why I wasn’t included. I walk up to people and get that sinking feeling they were just talking about me.’
I loved this post I think her and I are the same!
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