I started a new book today and in the first few paragraphs realize it is just what I need. I have periods of my life where I am unaffected by other people. It doesn’t cross my mind when I don’t hear from them. I am ok with me and not feeling left out or forgotten. Then some change happens-any sort of a change really recently a lot has changed. A close friends kids are switching schools, another friend started working full-time, I moved, my stress level has been off with trying to sell the other house and take care of two houses financially, I don’t recommend it.
Anyway I was thrown back in to a sort of daze of unsettledness. I still go thru my usual routine, coffee, breakfast, kids, get them here and there, work, exercise, etc. But underneath it all is an underlying what should I be doing? What is my true calling? Am I in the right job? It happens every few years, I try to think I control my life when in actuality God does. So then I sign on social media to get lost in a happy moment or thought but realize I am comparing my insides to their outsides. A photo only captures a split second in time and as a friend recently said before or after the photo they were likely yelling at a kid or husband but of course did not post that. My husband has cautioned me sometimes when I think I am adding good to my life I complicate it by opening facebook at the wrong time. Usually when I cannot be somewhere or am not feeling well and I see a picture I may have wanted to be a part of. The book says break it down-circumstance, thought, feeling, action, result. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt for no reason. Sometimes I tell my husband I wish we were in this town or this country because look where so and so are. His reply is always so spot on “Why? We are not them. We go other cool places they probably don’t. Stop comparing.” Urggh it makes me crazy his mind is so simple, uncomplicated, non-emotional. God created me different. To analyze, overthink, worry, feel apart from at times, feel to much at times both the good and the bad. I am reminded he had different life experiences that make him think that way and I had my own set of life experiences that made me who I am. I recently got a fortune cookie that said “others like your sensitivity” I about fell over because I wonder is that really true? Can anyone else relate I’d love to hear from you.
Love you ♥️… I can relate to the yearning/ calling to something better and bigger, etc.- the feeling that there’s more out there. Hubs is right though, we should not compare. One of life’s biggest lessons to me has been to appreciate today and to never take a moment for granted. Tomorrow is not promised. Today is to cherish. We wish it was as easy as it sounds to always live in the moment. Of course, it isn’t because life is demanding. We have each other though…. Friends and family who understand ♥️ Love you